“Gamers Need To Talk About Bullying” — Psychologists On Toxic Gaming

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You log on to play a few quick rounds, maybe de-stress after a long day. Next thing you know, you’re being cursed at, spammed with “noob” messages, or kicked from the lobby just for existing.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Cyberbullying in online gaming has become so common that many brush it off as just “part of the game”. But according to Malaysian psychologists, that kind of thinking is exactly what makes it dangerous.

We spoke to three clinical psychologists — Looi Kah Mun, Joey Oye Jun Yee, and Vera Pillai — to unpack how gaming spaces can get toxic fast, and what we can do about it.

While a bit of banter is expected in competitive spaces, what separates cyberbullying from harmless trash talk is intent, repetition, and power imbalance

Oey said bullying is defined as aggressive behaviours which:

• has the intent to harm
• is repeated over time
• involves a power imbalance between the target and the perpetrator

In gaming, this manifests as verbal abuse (calling others ‘noob’), exclusion (kicking someone from a match), or misusing game features like emotes or spamming chats to humiliate someone.

Vera, a clinical psychologist at Mind Wave Psychological Centre, shared examples from her gamer friends, pointing to harassment through racist and sexist slurs, and even doxxing — leaking someone’s personal information to harm them.

Unlike school or the office, you can’t physically walk away from cyberbullying in games. It follows you — across time zones, servers, and chat channels.

“Unlike traditional bullying, it tends to be more anonymous, constant, and free of physical boundaries which can make it harder to disconnect or escape,” Looi explained.

The psychological toll of cyberbullying in games is very real, and it doesn’t always end when you log off

“Victims often experience low self-esteem and emotional distress, such as anxiety and depressive symptoms,” explained Looi.

“In adolescents, daily functioning like school performance, sleep, and social interactions can also be affected,” she added.

Oye pointed out how even comments about a player’s in-game skills can lead to bigger identity issues, sharing, “The negative comments and verbal abuse may be internalised, which over time could make the victim feel ‘I will never be good enough’.”

Vera revealed that the impact of cyberbullying in gaming can be split two ways: internally and externally.

“Internally, low self-esteem, reduced self-confidence, frustration, and suicidal ideation in severe cases. Externally, they may develop social anxiety, display frequent anger outbursts or irritability or engage in escapism, such as pornography addiction,” she said.

Gaming lobbies are full of bystanders. Sometimes we mute, sometimes we stay quiet, sometimes we join in.

But all three psychologists said staying silent affects bystanders too.

“Bystanders may feel conflicted such that they experience guilt for staying silent but feel pressured to stay silent,” Looi noted.

Over time, this can lead to emotional desensitisation, “where harmful behaviours start to feel normal or excusable”.

Oye agreed, explaining that bystanders often feel “distress, guilt, pressure, or internal conflict”, and may avoid intervening out of fear they’ll be next. Still, many young players she surveyed said they’d report or mute bullies — a hopeful sign.

For Vera, game developers can do more, such as “provide clear codes of conduct, easy-to-use reporting systems, and zero-tolerance policies.”

She also believed community-led efforts can help, describing how “communities can encourage positive behaviour by making space for questions from new players, promoting mentorship, and rewarding helpfulness.”

Gaming might look like just another screen addiction, but for many teens, it’s a lifeline for connection.

So, how can parents tell when something’s wrong?

Looi explained that observation is key.

“Are they their usual self, or have they become withdrawn or avoidant of games?” asked Looi. “Gently pointing out these changes and asking if they’re ready to talk can help create a safe space.”

Oye stressed that the approach matters: “Parents should keep in mind that gaming could be a source of pleasure and accomplishment for the child, and they might fear that opening up… could mean being banned from the game.”

Vera echoed her sentiments: “The first step is to remain calm and open-minded. They can start by acknowledging what they notice and gently ask about it.”

So, how can gamers build their own shield?

It’s not just about “toughening up”. Real resilience comes from knowing your worth and setting boundaries.

“Gamers can protect their wellbeing by setting clear boundaries, such as blocking or reporting abusive players and taking breaks when needed,” said Looi.

Oye advised players to “explore and build a strong sense of identity and self-esteem”.

“Clearly knowing their values, strengths and worth reduces the likelihood that they will internalise the degradation targeted towards them,” she added.

Vera, meanwhile, reframed it beautifully: “Our identities are wonderfully made up of many different layers. We are more easily psychologically impacted when we see one single aspect of our lives as ‘the only thing that defines me’.”

Not all distress looks the same, but there are signs to look out for

Looi explained that when a gamer is no longer their usual self and shows significant changes in mood, behaviour, or daily functioning, along with signs of distress, these may be indicators that professional support is needed.

Oye offered three key red flags:

• Is the individual’s functioning affected?
• Is the individual experiencing psychological distress?
• Is the individual showing any risks of harm to themselves or others?

But how do we get gamers, especially young Malaysian men, to even consider therapy?

Vera didn’t hold back: “In Malaysian culture, there is often a belief that seeking help is a sign of weakness, or that one must simply tahan (endure) on their own.”

Her advice? Make the language relatable.

“If you’re supporting a gamer friend in starting therapy, try using familiar language they relate to (e.g. encouraging them to ‘level up’ emotionally).”

Gaming should be fun, challenging, maybe even grindy — but never soul-crushing. It’s time we treated toxic behaviour not as part of the game, but as something worth logging out for.

Rileks Je, Takyah Toxic is an awareness campaign by MyGameOn and SAYS Tech that champions inclusivity in the gaming community.