His Father-In-Law Bullied Him Over His Small Tech Purchases, So This Husband Keeps His New Gaming PC Quiet, Even From His Wife

Finances can be one of the most troublesome things within a relationship, especially if both partners aren’t on the same page about how to spend it.

When we’ve worked hard for our cash, it’s understandable that we want autonomy over what to do with it.

For some that means spending it to treat themselves for their hard work.

For others, it means saving it for something bigger, or stowing it away to prevent any anxieties around financial disaster.

The key to a happy relationship?

Making sure you’re 50/50 on these decisions, and that each partner has a voice and comes to a collaborative conclusion.

Unfortunately, the man in this story doesn’t have this kind of relationship – but the pressure here isn’t coming from his wife.

Read on to find out where his financial autonomy has gone, and why he felt compelled to spend in secret.

AITA for quietly building a gaming PC without telling my wife first?

I live with my wife in a rental house owned by her parents.

My wife has spinal issues, and doesn’t work since it is difficult for her to move around without walking aids or a motorized wheelchair.

Meanwhile, I work – making between $50k to $65k per year, as well as overtime which makes me an extra grand or two some months.

I also do a lot of the housework, the majority of it. I clean, I take care of the yard, handle food, etc.

She does do what she can, but I think its fair to say I do a lot. I also help her family a lot.

Let’s see how this situation was affecting his life.

Our rent always gets paid up front – in total, around 80% of my income goes to my wife and her parents, because I give her some disposable income each month.

My wife’s parents buy her nice stuff, including a new gaming console and a new phone – they also buy this stuff for her brother, who basically doesn’t work and bums off them for money.

I wasn’t told any of this was happening, just left out until it happened. I didn’t get anything – nor did I expect to.

But when I bought myself a little portable handheld gaming computer a few years ago, her dad gave me **** for it.

Yikes! Read on to find out how the family reacted to his other choices.

Then, I put together a cheap plex server and I got a lot of headache for that too, even though everyone in her family has access.

In fact, the only one who ever defended me was her brother, who pointed out that I deserve nice things too.

Her mom just tries to stay out of arguments.

So I feel conditioned to ask forgiveness not permission in this situation, because its a family where people shoot down ideas upfront, and it took years to get even basic stuff cleared by them.

And things were just about to get a whole lot worse.

Recently, my wife found out that I quietly put together a new gaming computer, after my old handheld system is starting to struggle.

This caused an argument, even though I bought mostly second hand parts with a few new ones… all adding up to maybe $700.

Some of this was paid up front, but the rest I have used credit to purchase. It’s 0% interest so long as its paid off within four months, which I can consistently do.

I pulled the trigger on the project now because some of the stuff was on sale and limited availability so getting it now was best.

AITA?

This situation is oppressive.

It’s great that this guy is taking care of his wife while she is struggling, but it feels like he’s being suffocated by her toxic family all the while.

It shouldn’t be too much to ask for him to be allowed to buy things for himself – but keeping secrets from his wife isn’t the way to do this.

Let’s see what Reddit thought about this.

This person agreed that the problem was more regarding communication with his wife.

While others encouraged more open communication between the couple.

And this Redditor called out the financial abuse ongoing within his family situation.

It’s totally unfair that he feels like he needs to hide his spending a small amount of his income on something for himself.

Even more than that, it’s really sad, and says a lot about how his oppressive in-laws are controlling his life and his marriage.

He deserves nice things too.

But he’s being denied them by a toxic family structure that is simultaneously draining him mentally and financially, whilst wreaking havoc on his relationship.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.